From bank robber to worm picker, the best watches for the weirdest jobs

Fergus Nash

Before buying a watch it’s important to consider how it will fit into your life, as different watches may benefit some lifestyles over others. The contradictory trope of the “desk diver” is well known to describe a dive watch worn at an office job, but what if your job is less than conventional to say the least? Answering this question which nobody has asked, I’ve assembled a list of the best watches for some of the weirdest jobs.

Professional cuddler – the Swatch Red Shore

Professional cuddling is exactly what it sounds like, but it’s not quite as strange as it first appears once you understand its purpose. Cuddle therapy is a well-researched field with proven results, helping to alleviate symptoms of stress, anxiety, loneliness and depression. Human contact is a basic need for our mental health, and some people may not be able to come across that organically. For an hourly rate of around $80, you can hire a friendly face to cuddle up and chat or watch TV with no further expectations. The ideal watch for a professional cuddler would be something small without any sharp edges for everyone’s comfort, and so the Swatch Red Shore with its 34mm soft plastic case and rubber strap is a great candidate.

Worm picker – the Timex Expedition Scout

If you’ve ever been to a bait and tackle shop, you’ve probably seen the freezer full of tubs of worms and wondered how they got there. Hearing that worm farms exist isn’t too surprising, but learning that they’re collected manually by a team of worm pickers is pretty wild. Often paid close to minimum wage, these heroes toil from dusk until dawn filling up tubs of worms when they come out at night, then pack them up for distribution either frozen or alive in a small container of earth. Given the average salary is low and the hours worked in darkness, the Timex Expedition Scout is the perfect choice. Its rugged reliability makes it suitable for outdoor work, with a washable NATO strap so you don’t need to be afraid of dirt. The Indigo backlight function is also invaluable, meaning that you don’t need to rely on any other lighting sources.

Licensed bank robber – the Luminox Original Navy SEAL 3901

Also known as Penetration Testing, this career now largely encompasses matters of cyber security to ensure the safety of data from malicious hackers, and isn’t really one of the weirdest jobs. Although the idea of stealing money through a computer isn’t as romantic as sticking a drill press on a giant bank vault, there still are a few people who specialise in testing those old-school physical security measures. Even when they’re given express permission to put a bank’s security through its paces, I have to believe that every one of them at heart pictures themselves as the protagonist of a heist movie. That’s why I’ve nominated the Luminox Original Navy SEAL 3901 as the perfect bank robber’s watch, as it was worn by George Clooney’s character in Ocean’s Eleven. If you want to go for the dual-watch look too, you can double it up with the Hamilton Viewmatic.

Bicycle fisher – Omega Seamaster Professional

If you’ve ever lived in or visited a city on a river, then you’ll know any unsecured bicycle and scooter is at dire risk of being thrown into the water by any passing drunk people. Amsterdam is the perfect storm being a party town populated with passionate cyclists and over 160 canals, so you can imagine how between 12,000-20,000 bicycles are thrown into the canals each year. It’s such a big problem that the city have their own bicycle fishers to clean up the canals, using what is essentially a giant claw machine attached to a boat that pulls them up in bunches. The bikes are then recycled, with the aluminium being used mostly for drink cans. It turns out that Omega is the most popular brand in the Netherlands, so in a splash-heavy environment a Seamaster Professional would be a fantastic choice. As it’s fairly well-known as one of the weirdest jobs, these crane operations often draw a large crowd of tourists, so you’d want to look good for the cameras.

Colour specialist – Rado Les Couleurs Le Corbusier

A niche offshoot of graphic design, colour specialists consult with companies and other designers to choose the perfect colour of logos, products, office spaces, or whatever they may need. Colour psychology is the study of hues affecting our moods, while colour theory examines how our perception of colour can change depending on its surroundings and context. These two considerations are incredibly important when a company is trying to alter how people think, whether its to buy more of their product or to maximise workplace efficiency. A pioneer in this field of the weirdest jobs was Swiss architect Charles-Édouard Jeanneret, also known as Le Corbusier, who created the concept of Architectural Polychromy. His palette of 63 hand-picked shades were split into the categories of vibrant, velvety, balanced, bold, powerful, expressive, luminous, impressive and pure, which then formed the basis for Rado’s Les Couleurs Le Corbusier collection. Remarkably thin and deftly gorgeous, colour specialists could even collect all nine of the original shades in a box set.