The three places you should never wear a smartwatch

Jamie Weiss

My colleagues on the editorial team might call me a smartwatch apologist, but I actually don’t have a problem with smartwatches. They’re not my cup of tea (I don’t need yet another thing in my life that I need to worry about charging), but their appeal and utility are undeniable. They might be as filthy as your phone, but they’re tools in a way that virtually all mechanical watches these days aren’t. However, they have their time and place, mind the pun. Having said that, there will always be some situations where you should absolutely not be wearing a smartwatch.

To a wedding

This is the main one. This is a topic we’ve covered at length here at Time+Tide: last year, we dove into how TikTokers were getting fired up about people wearing Apple Watches at weddings, and why it’s a total faux pas. Even our friend Brynn Wallner of Dimepiece weighed in on the issue. In short, smartwatches should be totally banned from weddings, especially if you’re the bride or groom.

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid

— lias (@lias__) September 29, 2019

In the same way that you shouldn’t get in a wedding photo with a new partner if you don’t think the relationship’s got legs, smartwatches in wedding photos are just a bad idea. It’s the equivalent of wearing a calculator watch to a wedding in the 80s (or let’s be real, in the 2020s, as calculator watches have had something of a retro revival). They will date the photo and will be something everyone will cringe at in a few years’ time.

Something that makes me particularly cringe is wedding videos or photos where someone wearing a smartwatch has been receiving notifications. Rather than focusing on the joy and solemnity of the occasion, you’re distracted by a blaring smart device. Whether you’re the ones getting married or you’re in attendance, your attention should be solely focused on the matrimonial proceedings. And before you say it: I know smartwatches have “Do Not Disturb” modes… But people often don’t use them.

 

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There’s also the matter of dress code. Many weddings are black tie, or at the very least, demand some sort of formalwear. In the same way you wouldn’t wear a dive watch with black tie, you shouldn’t be wearing a smartwatch with black tie, or formalwear more broadly. As Chazz Palminteri says, “The wrong watch could destroy an outfit… Nothing against Apple, but if you’re wearing something in a great suit and you have an Apple Watch on, it doesn’t go!”

To a funeral

Just as getting notifications on your smartwatch during a wedding would be awkward or embarrassing, I can’t imagine anything more disrespectful or ghoulish than having a smartwatch buzz away during a funeral, the most solemn of occasions. The dress code argument applies here, too: one tends to dress formally for a funeral, so a smartwatch is simply inappropriate attire.

To the theatre

When I say theatre, I mean both the movie and live theatre, although I’d probably also second-guess any surgeon distracted by their smartwatch in the operating theatre, too. While some devices like the Apple Watch do have a “Theatre Mode” which turns on silent and keeps the screen dark, many smartwatches don’t – and many smartwatch wearers don’t tend to use these modes, just like they don’t turn on Do Not Disturb.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been to the movies and some inconsiderate person with a smartwatch has distracted me with the constant pops of light from alerts. It’s just as bad as using your phone. Also, if you are indeed going to see some live theatre or opera, the same dress code arguments apply. The same goes for orchestras. Are you sensing a theme here?

Bonus round: anywhere that’s not a gym?

I’m definitely heading into curmudgeon territory now, but there’s also the argument to be made that the one appropriate place to wear a smartwatch is at the gym, or while doing physical activities of any description, such as swimming or running. Most people who wear smartwatches do so because of their ability to track biometrics, such as your heart rate or body temperature – which are useful things to know when you’re working out but aren’t that important to know on the fly otherwise.

There’s also the convenience factor. If you’re running or using exercise equipment, pulling out your phone to check a notification is cumbersome, so a smartwatch makes sense. But if you’re just at your desk at work? It’s stupid. It’s an affectation.

The one smart device I’ll give a pass to is a Whoop. Because it lacks a screen and aesthetically appears as little more than a strap around one’s wrist, it’s far less obtrusive or obnoxious than your typical health tracker or smartwatch. I know more than a few watch aficionados who wear a mechanical timepiece on one wrist and a Whoop on the other, and that’s totally fine in my book, as the self-appointed arbiter of smartwatch etiquette (please note that I’m being sarcastic).